Porcum Ventricosus Parvam
There was an old man who lived on my street,
His life was quite jolly with plenty to eat,
He lived with his wife and she wore a blonde wig,
And they owned a small, humble, brown, pot-bellied pig.
They took it for walks when the weather was stable,
They fixed it a chair to sit up to their table,
But for all of their efforts, whether good, fair, or bad,
The humble, brown pot-bellied pig would look sad.
They gave it a room with a canopied bed,
A T.V., a bicycle, skis, and a sled,
A stereo player, a tub full of bubbles,
But never a smile did they get for their troubles.
At Christmas the pig had a truck full of presents,
Like a gorgeous plumed hat with the feathers of pheasants,
A Latakian hooka, and a silver Rolls Royce,
A magpie who sang with an operatic voice.
A tenor guitar by Paulino Bernabe,
Some tea from Cathay, a tall English Bobby,
But none of their presents, tiny or big,
Would bring even ghost of a smile to this pig.
They saved up their money and sent him to college,
In hopes that some joy could be found gaining knowledge,
When that didn't work he shipped off to Peru,
But this poor pig Machu Picchu made blue.
So did Antarctica, Attica, Axum, Amsterdam,
Nowhere and nothing brought joy to this ham,
And so, to borrow a phrase from a poem,
This pig went "wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
But then one Tuesday, quite normal and boring,
The old folks were napping with soft, even snoring,
An epiphany came to our angst-ridden pig,
He happened to notice the old lady's blond wig.
He tiptoed up to the wig on the bedstead,
And placed it upon brown fuzz on his head,
And THEN what do you THINK? What could be clearer?
Methinks this small pig took a peek in the mirror.
Oh! What joy! How Stylish! How glam!
This beautiful porcum ven-tri-osus parvam!
Or so thought this pig newly rid of the blues
And his singing awoke the old folks from their snooze.
And they all lived quite happily there ever after
In a house full of feasting, and the music of laughter
I urge you in earnest, foreswear, don't renege
Buy a wig for your humble brown pot-bellied pig
His life was quite jolly with plenty to eat,
He lived with his wife and she wore a blonde wig,
And they owned a small, humble, brown, pot-bellied pig.
They took it for walks when the weather was stable,
They fixed it a chair to sit up to their table,
But for all of their efforts, whether good, fair, or bad,
The humble, brown pot-bellied pig would look sad.
They gave it a room with a canopied bed,
A T.V., a bicycle, skis, and a sled,
A stereo player, a tub full of bubbles,
But never a smile did they get for their troubles.
At Christmas the pig had a truck full of presents,
Like a gorgeous plumed hat with the feathers of pheasants,
A Latakian hooka, and a silver Rolls Royce,
A magpie who sang with an operatic voice.
A tenor guitar by Paulino Bernabe,
Some tea from Cathay, a tall English Bobby,
But none of their presents, tiny or big,
Would bring even ghost of a smile to this pig.
They saved up their money and sent him to college,
In hopes that some joy could be found gaining knowledge,
When that didn't work he shipped off to Peru,
But this poor pig Machu Picchu made blue.
So did Antarctica, Attica, Axum, Amsterdam,
Nowhere and nothing brought joy to this ham,
And so, to borrow a phrase from a poem,
This pig went "wee, wee, wee, all the way home!"
But then one Tuesday, quite normal and boring,
The old folks were napping with soft, even snoring,
An epiphany came to our angst-ridden pig,
He happened to notice the old lady's blond wig.
He tiptoed up to the wig on the bedstead,
And placed it upon brown fuzz on his head,
And THEN what do you THINK? What could be clearer?
Methinks this small pig took a peek in the mirror.
Oh! What joy! How Stylish! How glam!
This beautiful porcum ven-tri-osus parvam!
Or so thought this pig newly rid of the blues
And his singing awoke the old folks from their snooze.
And they all lived quite happily there ever after
In a house full of feasting, and the music of laughter
I urge you in earnest, foreswear, don't renege
Buy a wig for your humble brown pot-bellied pig
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